Often I am my own worst enemy….my own worst counselor….my own worst adviser….
Currently I am doing a bible study on the book of Esther with some lovely ladies. As I read the book of Esther I find myself judging the king and how easily swayed he was by the counsel of others. Many of the king’s decisions seem to be made on a whim because of a mere suggestion from others. The queen doesn’t come to his banquet, someone says get rid of her, he says okay! Pick a new queen based on her beauty, okay, done! Sign a decree to have all the Jews killed, okay, no problem, done! Wow! This king needed God in his life, he needed God’s wise counsel.
Wow! I need Godly wise counsel! I need not be so fast to judge this king because so often I take counsel from my own worst enemy….so often I take counsel from myself. Often when I come to a “bump in the road” or when things go wrong in my life I immediately start giving myself counsel in my mind. I would love to write here and say to you that I always give myself wise Godly counsel…I would love to say that I am not so easily swayed in my thoughts like the king was in the story of Esther…I would love to say that my mind is always resting in the truth and fully at peace….BUT….But I often listen to my own counsel first.
When I let my mind and my reactions counsel my hurting or confused heart it gets worse. I can send myself into a complete tailspin in moments it seems….and it is all because I go to “self” first and not the one great counselor that I always have available to me.
I started writing this post last week…I had really counselled myself into the depth of depression in what seemed like moments (it was over the course of a couple of days spent deep in my own treacherous thoughts). I started it with the hopes of having a happy ending…I hoped to share with you that I am casting down my vain imaginations and taking all wicked thoughts captive and not listening to my own counsel anymore…..And then….then I couldn’t finish…..and I meditated on these thoughts of not taking my own counsel anymore.
Last night my wonderful little Bible study group of ladies poured into my home and got comfy on my couch, chairs, and floor and we discussed God’s word…we laughed too…we ate yummy pogacsa…and we talked about convictions and standing up for our faith….and I opened my mouth and shared what has been on my heart about not taking my own counsel, about not listening to all the thoughts that flow into my mind. Isn’t it much easier to give counsel to others (even when we are the ones that truly need it).
Today I am finishing this post because I need it to be posted…I need to see the counsel I am giving myself…I need to read it over and over…..GOD MUST BE MY COUNSELOR! I need His wisdom and His help! Today we learned of some details that need attention in our life that seem larger than life itself (just silly housing and rental lease stuff)….I found myself immediately “self-counseling”. I was googling the answer, phoning a friend, freaking out to my husband, begging others to pray on our behalf….and I felt myself start to slip into the abyss of my own thoughts and my own “I can fix this if I work hard enough” self counsel.
Then I took some of my own counsel and decided to look to God….He can fix this….He LOVES me….He wants the best for me….He says that I should take His yoke on myself for it is easy and light….He says cast my cares on Him, He is strong and can handle it.
I’m starting now (I know I will fail again, but this is a reminder to put my focus where it should be), I’m putting my faith in God alone and not in myself, I’m shutting down my 24 hour self-counseling service…
I’M GIVING IT TO HIM! I’M BELIEVING HIM FOR THE BEST! I’M TAKING COUNSEL FROM HIM ALONE!