I find myself being more of an avid blog reader than a blog writer these days…I do have a 17 month old so writing takes the back burner to dishes and laundry during nap time…also I find blogs are easier to read than novels these days (though I did finally read Divergent
years late…it only cost me a few late nights and some precious sleep). So, because this is precious time that I have to write (someone is napping) I will get to it…LOTS of the blogs I read are mom blogs…some are adoptive mom blogs…on most of them I have read a few “birth stories” of their children…recently a favorite adoptive mom blogger of mine had a baby after years of infertility and heartache…these birth stories are precious and truly joyful…but I find myself looking at my precious little girl and wanting to write her “birth story”…
I look into my daughter’s big beautiful brown eyes and I want the best for her SO MUCH it hurts. I think about the future, when she will ask me about her “birth story”…what will I tell her? The only details I have about her “birth story” are few and messy…my girl had a rough start but she is a fighter. I don’t know what her birth mom craved while pregnant with her, I don’t know how labor started, I don’t know who was in the hospital room when Agnes was born, I will probably never know these details…the details I know are medical terms that I have to rattle off at doctor appointments when I am asked about her history…the info I have is still choppy and pieced together, lacking much.
Adoption is so beautiful, however it is also heartwrenching at the same time. It comes with as much loss as it does joy…I pray for Agnes’ birth mom…I pray that she knows her saviour…I pray for my precious sweet girl as she grows up, that she feels whole and knows she is loved more than life itself…I do feel sadness when I think that I don’t have a joyful “birth story” to tell my sweet girl when she is older. When I think about my baby’s beginnings to life, sometimes I weep for her with great sadness.
The other night as I was rocking my sweet pumpkin to sleep I was pondering this “birth story” situation and all the feelings I have that go with it (good, bad, ugly)…I was thinking about the beautiful “birth story” I had just read on a dear fellow adoptive mom’s blog…and I cried out to God about it in my heart. I asked Him for peace and truth in this situation.
God spoke His precious word into my heart that night in our rocking chair.
His truth comforted me and redeemed these unsure feelings.
He gently spoke to me “Myriah, I knew Agnes’ birth story before I laid the foundations of the earth.”
His words spoke deep into my soul. “Myriah, I knew you would be Agnes’ mother before I laid the foundations of the earth.”
“Myriah, I formed Agnes in her birth mother’s womb, and she is fearfully and wonderfully made.”
“Myriah, I knew Agnes would have a rough start to life, and that breaks my heart like it does yours, but I have great plans for her…much like I have/had for you.”
I have been mulling these thoughts over in my mind/heart for a few days now. God is so personal…He does things on purpose…He loves me so much and He loves Agnes so much that He put us together. You see, my own “birth story” is rough…I came into this world hanging on by a thread, I came into this world a fighter…so did my daughter. How precious is it that when that day comes when Agnes is old enough to hear the details I know (the yucky ones I have to rattle off at doctor appointments) of her “birth story”, I will be able to tell her my hard “birth story” as well and share in the joy with her that God had more for us?!?!?
In the still quiet depth of my heart I have been hearing God say “Agnes’ story is beautiful. Agnes has a ‘life story’ that I have written for her, and you get to mother her through it and watch it unfold. Agnes’ ‘birth story’ is rough around the edges, but I knew it before the foundations of the earth, I knew her, I knew you.” I am so comforted that I know my redeemer, that I know Christ and how He works in mysterious wonderful ways.
God built this family pictured above…He created Agnes and all her wonderfulness…He wrote our “birth stories” and CHOSE us for each other.
Adoption is painful, hard, messy, and comes with grief…but it is also the MOST JOYFUL THING! Adopting is God-designed and God-ordained! Adoption is what Christ did for me when I accepted Him as my saviour, now I am a co-heir with Him. I am in the family of God and the lines have fallen in pleasant places for me…my inheritance is AMAZING. Agnes is in our family, she has a right to whatever we have…WOW! Yes it is hard thinking about her “birth story” and thinking about someday telling it to her, but what an amazing “life story” she already has and what AMAZING plans God has for her!
My Aunt Shanie and my cousin Sam visited a couple of weeks ago from America. It was a truly precious time. This joyful photo above sums up my heart’s joy in their visit. Sam is my youngest cousin, I remember when he was born, I remember when I lived with them the Summer he was two and got to drive him around and take him to do fun things. I remember the immeasurable joy that he brought to my Aunt Molly when she adopted him after years of praying for a child. I love Sam and I love that he is in our family…He is a treasure that God knew before He laid the foundations of earth…
Seeing these two precious gifts from God love each other was like getting a glimpse of heaven’s glory right here on earth. I love that they are in each other’s “life story”. I love that God chose them for us. I
love that God CHOSE me for himself.
I pray that with God’s guidance and help I can show Agnes His LOVE, His WAY, His TRUTH. I am AMAZED at God’s faithfulness, and just think He knew all of this mess, all of this joy, all of our stories before He laid the foundations of the earth.