adoption, family, motherhood

She Still Eats Puffs!

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EEEK!!! Can you believe it’s fall 2017 already?

Neither can I….(or Agnes apparently)…

Where has the time gone?  And what happened to my blogging?

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What happened is, I’m full-blown mothering a full-blown toddler!!  It is crazy that just a year ago I was still just visiting this little pumpkin and only part-time mothering her.  She had my whole heart but wasn’t quite yet living in my home.  A year ago, I was prepping her room, adding finishing touches, getting everything just right.  A year ago I was washing all sorts of tiny pink clothing and watching it dry with glee and excitement!

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Now this tiny beauty not only has her mama’s whole heart, but she has her mama’s everything…she has my time, my house my always messy, never clean enough house, my body especially these past few terrible teething days where she has literally been attached to me morning to evening, my energy, my all she has it….and that is fine by me!  Now a year later I am trying to keep that beautiful room of her’s neat enough that you can still see the floor, I’m washing, drying, and folding mountains of laundry and trying to get it put away at least before we have worn the whole pile again.

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It’s hard to believe that next week will mark a whole year that this sweet girl has been in our home and in our family!  It’s even harder to believe that our lives existed without her before that; she has changed us for the better and for this we are grateful.  It’s also hard to believe I am the mother of a two year old!  She is becoming a beautiful little girl.  She is so smart and learning new things everyday.  She is becoming more and more independent and while it is awesome to experience her growing up little by little, this mama also aches for her to stay little.

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God is teaching me so much in this season.

While there isn’t much time of quiet and solitude, I am still trying to listen to Him speak to me through all the noise and distraction of these toddler days.  You hear (or see on social media) so many mamas say things like “you’re gonna miss this” or “the days are long but the years are short” and “I want to be more present with my kids”….but then when you are in the thick of mothering you can forget the nostalgia and honestly pray for bedtime to come faster….and that is okay….but truly I do want to cherish these days with my growing girl!  I also want to hear from the Lord during these days and I want him to guide me.

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I am trying to get to a point here in this post….scatter brained as I am, I do/did have a purpose for using my after bedtime quiet to write this post….

I guess my point is that time does fly by.  Time does seem to move slowly when your baby girl has a fever and will only sleep on you with her knee perfectly positioned driven into your bladder and her face breathing heavily on top of your face or when whining is the days language, but the sayings are true cumulatively time speeds on by.  What felt like an eternity, and was actual years, waiting for a baby, seems so long ago now.  Truly that season is gone and I can hardly imagine life any different than it is now with my precious pumpkin.  At the same time, it feels like yesterday that we put that tiny little pumpkin in our car and nervously drove her and her gummy smile home.

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She has changed so much this year, and she is changing daily.  My baby is growing up, she is speaking more speaking actual words too, she is doing new things, she is even helping put her toys away….and my heart grows more each second that I know her and see the girl she is growing to be…but my heart misses that even tinier girl that didn’t yet know her animal sounds!!

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It’s been a hard mothering week I’m sorry it seems like I only blog now about hard mothering, please don’t mistake it with ungratefulness….I think I am just more vulnerable during weeks like this and it brings out the writing in me and I have been asking God to give me grace, give me patience, give me grace to give myself, and asking Him to give me joy even when it’s hard.  I am so happy that our pumpkin is growing and developing and we had such a great birthday week that has kept on going with packages from the states still arriving and decorations still upin the apartment but a part of me gets a little sad that she is growing up.  Can’t she stay little forever, Lord?!?!

This morning she was eating puffs (sugar smacks honey wheat puff cereal) on the floor, and as I was sweeping up the 12 millionth pile of them from the floor I remembered her eating puffs months ago.  It dawned on me “She still eats puffs!  And they still get stuck to her, and she still cutely shakes her hands trying to get them off of her”.  My precious pumpkin is so big now, and is saying her animal sounds, and is taking walks with me just holding hands and not in her stroller, and is super funny, and is “reading” me so many stories each day, and is putting trash in the trash can by herself….my precious pumpkin is also still very little, she is still very much my baby, and she still loves eating puffs!

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God is tenderly teaching me about joy, He is leading me to joyful living, and I must admit I’m not His best student…but He continues to teach me and remind me of joyfulness each day.  Today I learned about joy while sweeping up sticky cereal off the floor for the 12 millionth time, with my dirty hair in a messy bun, in a filthy t-shirt and sweat pants.  Agnes brings an immense amount of joy to our lives.  I fall more in love with this little tiny girl everyday, and I fall more in love with the Lord too.  He is growing me and stretching me and helping me recognize joy in the midst of the imperfect, peace in the chaos of nursery rhymes and noise making musical toys, and grace for myself and others in this thing called life.

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