adoption, faith, motherhood

Am I Crazy For Missing Her Right Now?

IMG_7239.JPGAm I crazy for missing her right now?

The apartment is silent except for the gentle white noise coming from her bedroom right now.  I am sipping coffee, warm coffee, alone on my sofa with no one attached to my person.

The room is pretty tidy too for a house that desperately needs a deep clean, toys are stacked in the toy area, there is no food stuck to the table or all over the floor.

My precious pumpkin is getting some extra rest this morning after skipping some sleep time during the night last night.

And all while I am savoring these sips of warm coffee, I am missing my girl and tempted to tiptoe in there and wake up up gently or at least just watch her sleep.

I think yesterday’s post kinda sums up the fact that this week has been one of those hard, in the trenches, really wish I could shower, must have more coffee even if I can’t drink it hot, just need caffeine, I want my own mama, both my girl and I are crying a lot kind of weeks.  Last night kept up with the theme of the week, and my darling baby woke several times in the night needing her mama to settle her down and get her back to sleep.  Yesterday I believe I even said to my own mama through tears “I just need 5 mins of a clean house and quiet alone!”….and now I have just that…..

…and I MISS HER!!

Am I crazy for missing her right now?

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The answer is NO…NOT CRAZY…just a mama, with a mama’s heart and a mama’s mind that God conveniently designed with a tad bit of amnesia in there so I would forget all the filth and tears and hard of yesterday.  I am an imperfect woman, doing an imperfect job, in an imperfect world….BUT I am LOVED by a PERFECT God, a FAITHFUL God, a God who’s grace is sufficient for me.

I am loved by a God who gives good and perfect gifts even if they are wrapped in little naughty bodies that are always covered in some sort of sticky substance and are often communicating through whines.  This morning I am missing my little curly haired, throw her head back when she belly laughs, fuzzy bear pajama wearing good and perfect gift.  I am so grateful for my girl and all that she brings to my life, yes even the hard and the sticky weird messes on the floor, and the wipes all removed from their containers and distributed around the house 4 million times a day, because through it all, the good, the great, and the not so great, God shows me His goodness.

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Today I am reminded that His mercies are new every morning.  I don’t know if that little sleeping beauty in there will wake up happy or grumpy like a bear, but I do know that she is a treasure and that I love her to pieces and I am thankful for a new day with her.

“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness.”

Being a mother is an amazing treasure and I am so glad that I don’t have to walk it alone, but that I always have my Lord by my side even when I’m wading through toys and puffs, He is there with me stepping on a painful Lego piece too to comfort me and supply me with all the grace I need to complete the task at hand: mothering well.

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