Yesterday we took Agnes to the playground @ Szent Csalad Park…Szent Csalad means Holy Family! We had actually set out to go to a different place with her but as we were about to drive by this playground I said to the hubs “quick, park the car, I have been wanting to bring Agnes here!”…so we spent a lovely few hours at the playground in the sunshine!
I didn’t know it was called Szent Csalad park until about an hour into our playground time. Agnes was biking around and Tim was chasing her while I sat comfortably in the sun with one of the two books I’m currently reading open on the hubs smart phone
I hate to admit this, but I’m being broken down about my smart phone feelings and just might end up with one…oh the convenience of books and photos and all the stuff at your fingertips as an on the go mama reading away with such delight! Occasionally I would move my gaze from the page in my book to my surroundings, check where the hubs and child were, notice the blossoms that are popping up on the trees here now (yes I believe Spring has sprung), and that is when I noticed the sign Szent Csalad Park!
I haven’t been able to shake this thinking about “Holy Family” since seeing that little street sign at the park yesterday. I’m pretty sure the name of the park has something to do with the Szent Csalad church across the street. It’s a beautiful church named for the Holy family…like Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Holy family…it has a beautiful interior, I like to say the altar part of that church is like the Holy of Holies, it has paintings on the ceiling and elaborate gold trim…you know, over the top decor…not my style for home, but much appreciated for what it is worth in these old European churches.
The Holy family that I have had in my mind ever since is…and don’t take this wrong or find this boastful…is my own precious little family, the hubs, me the mama, and the little miss that God so graciously saw fit to give us! You see we are Holy because HE is Holy…Christ who lives in me makes me righteous and blameless before God. And His Holy plan was for Agnes to be ours…He saw it best for us three to be together forever and that AMAZES me, actually I think it will always amaze me!
I GET to be Agnes’ mama and she GETS to be my baby! It was no accident that we struggled with infertility for years! It was no accident that we wanted to adopt (even though for years we felt hopeless to do so). It was no accident that I ran into that friendly American lady in the coffee line at a conference in Hungary. It was no accident that the board of psychologists and social workers picked us out of several waiting couples to present Agnes to. It was all part of God’s plan…and His plan is higher than my plan, His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts…He is Holy and I truly believe it was all in His Holy plan to make us a family. I can’t stop thanking Him today for His greatness, for His wonder, for His amazing Holy plan for our little Holy family!
This season I am in right now
and all you seasoned mamas out there can email me personally once you read this and tell me I’m normal, she is normal, it’s all normal….no really please do email me and tell me we are normal of being a mama to a toddler is refining me in a new fierce way! Our little home is filled with SO MUCH JOY, LIKE ALL THE SMILES, ALL THE SQUEALS AND GIGGLES, J O Y! It also is at times filled with temper tantrums and defiance sometimes that defiance comes from me and my stubbornness unfortunately and an unwillingness to eat, obey, listen, clean-up, and/ or go to bed…and it leaves me feeling defeated and not good enough! Just yesterday even, after our lovely Holy family park time, I felt completely incapable of “mama”ing her well or correctly in the afternoon/evening…please tell me I am not alone in this!!
This season is making me seek God for answers, tangible helps, for companionship, for so many things that I never thought to seek Him for before…and I am getting to know Jesus all over again it feels like at times, getting to know His goodness in all the chaos that is life with a toddler. Out of this refining I am praying that God will give me fruits of the spirit and that I will be able to boast in His goodness through my life.
So I am left sitting here typing this in AWW of my great God that loved me so much that He died to cover my CRAP (excuse or don’t excuse the language but crap my sin was and is indeed) and make me BLAMELESS and HOLY in His sight. Our little Holy family! I am in aww…in the hards of raising a toddler…in the joys of raising a toddler…in the finding myself, my strengths, my weaknesses as a 30 something”er”…I. AM. IN. AWW. OF. HIM. and His unfailing love and mercy and grace toward me!
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I’m linked up over here today!