infertility, motherhood

My Mother’s Day Wish List

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Mother’s Day is one month away!!  For sooooo many years Mother’s Day brought me pain, like deep cutting “how am I gonna live through this day” kind of pain.  Now that I have one Mother’s Day under my belt as a mama, I am excited for Mother’s Day to come…but all the while, somewhere in the deep secret spaces of my heart I still ache on Mother’s Day…I ache for the mamas in waiting…I still hurt on Mother’s Day for my friends who are walking the dark road of infertility…and I wish (and PRAY HARD) for these waiting mamas to feel peace that passes understand on Mother’s Day (the HARDEST day of the year for some).

So, this year my Mother’s Day wish list contains these wishes:

I wish that I can be sensitive and intuitively watching out for the waiting mamas in my life on this day.

I wish to shower a waiting mama with some special love and gifts on Mother’s Day and I wish that you will feel challenged to do so as well!  Really think and pray about who that special friend is of yours who may be walking the long hard road of infertility or waiting to adopt, and write her a card, send her a gift, drop by with flowers and coffee and HUGS (yes, all the HUGS, and she will probably cry, but inside she is so appreciating that you care).

I wish to be a safe place for that waiting mama to come, a person she can pour her heart out to and cry with.  I wish to not make her feel ashamed because her body isn’t cooperating on the baby making front, but to make her feel loved and to share with her how precious she is in God’s eyes and in my own.

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I wish that God will bring friends to my mind and heart that have lost babies or long for babies so that I can lift them up in prayer!

I wish that God will provide some extra cash for me to give to that adopting couple, striving so hard to raise the funds to bring their baby home…and I wish that you will feel inspired to give toward an adoption as well!

I wish that in churches all over the world the waiting mamas will be acknowledged as well…and that when the mamas are asked to stand, that the waiting mamas will feel a little less horrible sitting in their seat, because YOU will grab her hand and hold it tight during this!  I wish that mothers will be honored on Mother’s Day of course, but that also prayers for waiting parents will come from those same pulpits on Mother’s Day.

I wish for you, waiting mama, that you won’t feel like you have to hide in your room with a pint on Ben and Jerry’s all day on Mother’s Day, that you will be able to get out of bed and enjoy time with your spouse…but also, if you just can’t get out of bed, I wish for you to know that is okay, and for you not to spend one minute feeling guilty about it!

I wish for mamas of waiting mamas to understand that your daughter loves you and thinks you are the best mama ever, even if she doesn’t show it super well on Mother’s Day.  She is struggling and sad, and even though you deserve for her to drive over to your house with flowers and chocolate or to take you out to brunch, maybe this year you go love on her instead!

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I wish for us all to be more sensitive (myself included) when asking people when they are going to have kids…we never know how that one question can hurt them so badly (well yes I actually do know that hurt, and I’m sorry waiting mama if I have ever inflicted it on you).

I wish for kindness and respect to flow from our lips when talking to waiting mamas this Mother’s Day…often a well meaning comment can hurt her, so really just lead with things like “I love you!  I’m praying for you!” and then stop there!  Say no more, she doesn’t need to hear more, she just needs to hear love!

I wish for all of us mamas who have our children in our arms to be careful about complaining about sleepless nights or whining toddlers!  I wish that we will bite our tongues and not share that all we want for Mother’s Day is to be alone in bed binge watching Netflix…this hurts that waiting mama!  If you truly feel this way, its okay and normal…but please, my wish this year is that you will share those feelings with your closest mama friends in the privacy of your own homes…don’t shout them from the roof tops (or facebook)!

I wish for us mamas to remember our single and childless friends that love our babies fiercely, that act as aunts and spoil them rotten…all the while they may be pining for a family of their own or wondering if they will ever get to mama someone…let’s remember them, lets treat them special…they are part of our village it is taking to raise our sweet kids and so often they are like mamas to so many, but inside feel the void of not truly being a mama.

I wish this Mother’s Day, and always actually, that we as women will build each other up and encourage each other…no matter the stage of life we are in, be it single and childless, mother of 6, waiting mama that is crying each month when she sees one line on yet another pregnancy test, or an empty nester mama that misses her kids that have gone off to college, or a grandma…let’s be kind!  Let’s love on each other and take a second to look beyond our own four walls, our own situation, even look beyond our own hurts and suffering, to think of another woman/mama/waiting mama that we could bless, encourage, love, and be there for!

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32 thoughts on “My Mother’s Day Wish List”

  1. Myriah, this is such a beautiful post (as tears are streaming down my face into my coffee). It is so important to remember all of these special women on Mother’s Day as we all too often get caught up in our own stuff. While I did not have fertility issues, Mother’s Day always brought me pain after losing my own mother to cancer…until I had children of my own…now the day does bring me joy rather than pain. While I had tried to ignore the holiday for years, I now look forward to the special day. I wish you and all mothers and mothers-in-waiting a very Blessed Mother’s Day!

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

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  2. Such a beautiful post, Myriah! Well said. I, too, experienced infertility and miscarriages (years ago) and boy is it tough. This reminded me how I need to be in prayer for so many going through this currently.

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  3. Hi Myriah! This is a beautiful post. I identify so much with everything you wrote. I personally experienced infertility for 4 1/2 years before we had our first child. Those years were agony because I couldn’t see anything without seeing it through the lens of being a mom. Then with our 2nd pregnancy, we lost our baby at 13 weeks. Heart-breaking. But God is the comforter and the restorer! I now have a beautiful family of three healthy kids. Thanks for sharing this!

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  4. Myriah, I sense your compassion and heart. Truly beautiful. I know this will bless someone. I’m now a mom for only a year as well and my heart still aches… I’m standing with you in prayer for us to bless the right mama’s this mother’s day.

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  5. So beautiful. Even though infertility wasn’t something I struggled through, I never wanted to go to church on mother’s day, I didn’t want to be on display like that for people who were hurting in some way or another. Not just waiting moms but those who lived through abuse or who had lost their mom or something. It just doesn’t need to be such a big thing.

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  6. Great reminder!
    My husband and I were infertile before God finally blessed us with children. I’ll never forget how difficult Mother’s Days, baby showers, etc. were during that season.
    I definitely want to be an encouragement to other women who are in seasons of pain.

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  7. I have been made aware of how hard Mother’s day is for so many only as I have entered young adulthood. I have seen the heartache of infertility in dear friends lives, I have known families who mourn the loss of a dear mother or never knew a true mother in their life. For those who are single and long for marriage, how their hearts also ache at this time. There are people who avoid church on this ay because of the pain which makes me so sad.
    Yes to all your wishes for Mother’s day. That we would see, listen and BE with these dearhearts. Thank you for reminding us to be careful with our words also.

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